Jealous yet?

I've moved into my last (and finest) hotel: Cidade de Goa (http://www.cidadedegoa.com/)

It's hot and sunny, peaceful and relaxed.

and, somewhere nearby, under a tree,
there's a hammock with my name on it...

as they say here,
"the path to enlightenment often lies in the midst of chaos"

Quest Update: Cisco CCNA: Fail :-(

Ok, so the run of exam passes has ended right on the last one!

What a pig of an exam that was. Pass mark is 85% (I got 796). I completely flunked one of the simulations and then panicked a bit as I was running out of time.

Oh well, I'm not going to be beaten by it - I will retake in a couple of weeks.
So that's it, all courses exams have been completed. I'm cream-crackered. Off to 5* hotel now.

Now where's that sunbed...

And today's lesson is...

Any ideas what this is all about? Go on have a guess!
My brain has now melted and is dripping out of my left ear.

Quest Update: MCSE: Messaging 2003 !!

Just took and passed the final exam on my MCSE Messaging 2003 track - Designing a Microsoft Exchange Server 2003 Organization (exam 70-285) . Scored 850 (pass mark 700).

It was one of those irritating exams with huge long-winded scenarios that provide too much information to try to confuse you. I don't like those much so was happy to get through it.

So that's secondary objective achieved. I am now an MCSE Messaging 2003. Cool!
That was my 10th exam. I start the CCNA course tomorrow so just one more exam to take next Tuesday...

How to ruin your enjoyment of Star Wars (Pt.II)

Here is another in the (very) occasional series of articles that I've written on how to ruin your enjoyment of your favourite films for all time.

Some of you may remember that Part 1 concerned the similarity of the voice of Chewbacca in the Star Wars trilogy to that of Blakey from 'On the Buses'. The idea was that you picture Chewbacca flying the Millennium Falcon through hordes of Empire Tie-Fighters and then replace his voice with that of Blakey shouting 'get those buses aaat!' and 'oh gaaawd!', etc etc.

I think you'd have to agree that the resemblance is striking. You'd also have to concede that you will now never be able to watch Chewbacca on any of the Star Wars films without immediately thinking of Blakey, Butler and Stan.

Ok. So along those lines, here's another...

Last night I caught 'Star Wars: Return of The Jedi' on HBO. I have seen this many, many times before. If you recall it's the one where Yoda pegs it, Luke fights Darth Vader and wins but then doesn't kill him off as the evil Emperor wants him to, because Vader is really Anakin Skywalker, who is Luke's father. OK so far?

Now then, you recall that the evil Emperor was previously known as Senator Palpatine (in previous episodes). He is eventually found out to be the Dark Sith Lord and, during a fight with Samuel L. Jackson he undergoes something of a dramatic facial transformation (see below).

Ok, so you know who I'm referring to now? Good.

Now, here are the instructions for completely removing all traces of evil power from the character of the Emperor thus rendering him benign and ruining the dramatic presence of his character forever...

1) watch Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (again)

2) towards the climax of the film, just before Luke fights Vader, listen carefully to the voice of the evil Emperor as he sits in his black chair with his black hood covering his gaunt and ashen face

3) pause the playback, clear your mind and focus

4) bring into your mind an early episode of 'Are You Being Served' (trust me on this one...)

5) picture the canteen at lunchtime, with the staff all sitting round the table

6) recall the characters: Mr Humphries, Mr Lucas, Captain Peacock, Mrs Slocombe, Miss Brahms

7) and, sitting at the right end of the table, Mr Grainger (he's just in-shot below)

8) yes, Mr Ernest Grainger, half-moon spectacles, tape measure round the neck - can you hear his distinctive 'Mr Kipling-like' voice in your mind? Focus, focus, concentrate now

9) you can see his chin and his 'gurning' expression (due to lack of dentures) as he slurps his vegetable soup

10) if you're close to getting his voice clear in your head, make him say the word 'vegetable' - now you've got it. It's unmistakable, unique, 'veggie-tibble' - 'Mr Lucassshh'

11) now un-pause the playback of the film and listen to the voice of the Emperor...

Yes, folks. It's true. The evil Senator Palpatine/Dark Lord of the Sith is in fact dear old Mr Grainger from 'Are You Being Served'!

Congratulations! You have just succeeded in completely ruining another character from Star Wars. Forever.

Now, I wonder if I could somehow turn Mr Lucas into Darth Vader - that would be something! The signs are all there if you look carefully. Consider the black & white picture above. Mr Grainger (Sith Lord) is discussing with his henchman Darth Vader (Mr Lucas) the matter of turning Skywalker (Mr Humphries) to the darkside. Skywalker, fairly disinterested in the prospect, is casually examining a mens formal shirt. The dialog might go something like:-

Sith Lord: Lord Vader, are you free?
Vader: (looks over both shoulders; breathing through snorkel sound) Yes my master, I'm free. (more breathing sounds)
Sith Lord: do you think young Skywalker can be turned to the darkside?
Vader: (breathing sound) I am unsure my master, I'll ask (breathing sound)
Vader: young Skywalker, are you free? (breathing sound)
Skywalker: (looks over both shoulders; in high pitched tone) I'm free!!

etc etc. I know it could work. Perhaps I'll send the script into the BBC comedy dept. I can see it now. The new BBC space dept. store sit-com: Store Wars: The Return of the Grace Brothers, starring:

Arthur Brough (Mr Grainger): the Emperor
Trevor Bannister (Mr Lucas): Darth Vader
Wendy Richard (Miss Brahms): Princess Leia
John Inman (Mr Humphries): Luke Skywalker
Frank Thornton (Capt. Peacock): Han Solo
Nicholas Smith (Mr Rumbold): Obi Wan Kenobi
Harold Bennett (Young Mr Grace): Yoda
Arthur English (Mr Harmon): Chewbacca (due to impenetrable accent and brown overalls)
Mollie Sugden (Mrs Slocombe): Jabba the Hut

"never underestimate the power of the darkside, Mr Lucasshh..."

Quest Update: Exchange 2003 exam passed!

Just took and passed Implementing and Managing Microsoft Exchange Server 2003 (exam 70-284). Scored 940 (pass mark 700).

Not having done much on Exchange (and what little I've done has been on an older version), I was finding this course pretty tough going. Wasn't confident at all going into the exam this morning. However, revision over the weekend has paid off (again).

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be taking the design exam. If I pass that, I will be MCSE: Messaging (which will be nice!).

My Left Foot

Can you spot the difference?

hint: my left foot is somewhat larger...

It was Sunday, so I thought, I know, I'll take my books and go down by the pool. Then I can relax in the sunshine whilst still reading for my exam. That'll be nice.

Whilst I was down there I must have been savaged by some sort of monster ant/mosquito/insect type beast. This resulted in some localised "guy-fawking" of my left foot.

It itches like hell and I just want to scratch it clean off. Why me?

Sometimes I watch those natural history type programs where some white guy from London heads off into the jungles of Borneo in search of some moth (or suchlike). During the trip he is bitten by multiple insects all of which results in fairly manageable irritation.

I often think if I received that many bites I'd inflate to 6 times my actual size and be totally immobile.



Footnote(!): there is a Christy Brown / Daniel Day Lewis reference here (somewhere) which was the subject of a little known (and fairly irreverent) sketch by Rob Newman & David Baddiel. I won't relate the details, suffice to say that the key line was: "he makes me look like some sort of...."

I have included this entire footnote for Mr Payne (the only other living person I know who would recognise this comedy reference) even though he never reads this blog. One day he will...

Quest Update: Security+ Exam Passed!

I AM NOW AN MCSE!

Just took and passed the CompTIA Security+ exam (SY0-101) and passed with a score of 841 (pass mark 764). There were 100 questions which you either know the answer to or you don't!



So, primary objective has been achieved.

I now start Exchange Server Messaging modules...

Quest update: MCSE 6th Exam: Passed!

Just took and passed exam 70-298 Designing Security. Passed with 811 (pass mark 700).

Ok so not my best score, but it was quite a tricky exam with very long scenario/case study type questions. So that's one elective down, one to go!

Quest update: MCSE 5th Exam: Passed!

Just took and passed exam 70-294 - Active Directory. I found this one the toughest so far but got a score of 921 (pass mark 700) which I'm well-pleased with. That's the new highest score (so far).

Next exam is on Saturday - 70-298 Designing Security for a Microsoft Windows Server 2003 Network. I covered the Microsoft course book for this yesterday so just need to look at the case studies before then.

Tomorrow I begin the CompTia Security+ module. The exam for that is scheduled for Monday!

Quest update: MCSE 4th Exam: Passed!

Despite not feeling too chipper, I took exam 70-293 this afternoon. Of all the exams it's the one I had prepared the least for (due to spending most of the weekend in the 'smallest room').

To my surprise, I passed with a score of 910 (pass mark 700). It's the highest mark I think I've ever had (in anything for that matter!). So, how does that work??

Whatever. Just pleased to get another step closer to the goal!

Next exam 70-294: Planning, Implementing, and Maintaining a Microsoft Windows Server 2003 Active Directory Infrastructure. I'm taking this on Thursday. No rest for the wicked...

OK - I suppose I've had a good run (no pun intended), but 2 days ago I finally contracted the dreaded 'Delhi-Belly'.

After all the warnings about not drinking the tap water, strangely, it seems this was caused by a bag of cashew nuts bought from a specialist cashew nut exporters shop, sealed and fresh.
I won't go into details, but suffice to say I haven't felt this incapacitated since eating some dodgy mussels in a restaurant in Temple Bar, Dublin.

I was unable to attend my course on Saturday (yesterday) and still feel decidely weakened today. Although I'm still swotting, it's harder to concentrate when you're not feeling 100%.

I have an exam tomorrow (70-293) which I'm no where near ready for. Pressure, pressure, pressure...

Quest update: MCSE 3rd Exam: Passed!

The big one, the nasty, the horrible, the DNS riddled monster of an exam (70-291) - SLAYED!
Is there no stopping me?!!

Very pleased to get that one in the bag. Score 820 (pass mark 700), so not as a good a score as the previous exam but the questions here are much more complex so I'm happy.

Next: 070-293 - Planning & Maintaining a Microsoft Server 2003 Network Infrastructure...